(June 1, 2016)
Rob has always been an outstanding driver…I mean…this guy
was already driving himself to school in 5th grade. His teacher called his dad and asked if he
knew that Rob was driving to school, to which his Dad replied, “well, yeah, how
else is he supposed to get there?!”
Ahhh…rural Montana in the 70’s! J Between trucks, equipment, dirt bikes,
snowmobiles, ATVs, bulldozers, tractors and semi-trucks – you name it, Rob is a
great driver.
Well…not so great any more…not for the past several
years. While he was driving trucks for
the past couple of years, I was very worried that he would wreck. He cannot react to situations, and his
spatial awareness is off. Especially in
traffic.
So, I’ve been doing most of the driving for the past 4-5
years, but I’ve been especially vigilant about doing all the driving in the
last year. It is hard, when he is still
physically capable of driving, to explain why I don’t think he should be
driving anymore. I feel like the bad
guy. Even so, since his diagnosis, he
realizes that his driving is limited, especially in traffic. So I usually only allow him to take short
trips in areas with less traffic. We’ve
been hoping he could hold out at least until HS could drive….but…..we may have
to transition him out of driving a little sooner. Which will be hard to take away his
independence…I feel like I’m taking away his manhood.
Then we met with the neurology team who gave us some test
results, and Doc says Rob really shouldn’t drive. Rough day for Rob. He didn’t like that answer.
Having the Doctor tell us that Rob shouldn’t drive based on
his spatial awareness and cognitive delays was difficult, especially for Rob,
but I recognized it as the blessing it was.
While I was disappointed that this stage came earlier than we had hoped,
and it will make things much more difficult, I thank the Lord for orchestrating
this so that I am not the one revoking Rob’s driving privileges. The Doc was the one who delivered the bad
news and not me. What a relief and
blessing that was. So…while it is not a
great piece of news, and is disappointing, I can breathe a sigh of relief and
whisper a quick “Thank you, Lord” in my soul.
Even now…even now, as my Shepherd leads us through the valley of the
shadow of death, He goes before me (before us) to lead the way, to guide and
protect us – from all kinds of harm and hurt and pain, and His hand lovingly reaches
out to help carry me and lead me through the rough spots in the trail.
So…we’ve been transitioning Rob out of driving for a few
years…and Doc says we need to transition to no driving at all. I think he will still be okay driving 1 mile
to his physical therapy and occupational therapy appointments (since it is 15
mph most of the way, he won’t have to react to other driver’s rushing at him),
but I’m going to have to start cashing in on those offers for assistance.
I worry that sometimes it will be hard to convince Rob that
someone needs to drive him when he runs errands or what-not. It isn’t that his driving is so terrible
(although it is not good), but the real problem is spatial awareness,
processing time, reaction time, ability to multi-task, short term memory loss,
and those kinds of things that will prevent him from reacting to other
drivers. He can’t drive defensively or
take precautions or use his brakes in time, or whatever, when his brain can no
longer function that way anymore.
Unfortunately, it was still like the Doc took away his man
card and his independence. Rob shut down
pretty quickly after that. He was
emotionally and mentally exhausted and frustrated. Thankfully, by evening, his attitude and
demeanor had improved greatly and he was able to converse with us and
participate in some family time in the back yard. Some overlying tension and frustration hovered
around him, but it was fading. I am,
however, grateful that the Doc pointed this out and made this recommendation,
to take that burden off my shoulders and give me more backing when I try to
prevent him from driving.
….
Updated: My initial
concerns have been relieved for the most part.
God has certainly blessed us in so many ways. It has been 2 weeks since meeting with the
Doc, and Rob has virtually relinquished ALL driving to me or my folks. Instead of allowing him to drive to school to
deliver or pickup C from basketball camp, my folks willingly drove and extra 25
miles so I could remain at work and he could attend camp and Rob wouldn’t be
driving on the roads. Rob didn’t so much
as bat an eye as we made the arrangements.
Even the harder driving with big trailers and tough mountain roads that
he used to do, (although I have towed the trailers plenty over the past several
years.)he simply hands me the keys and gets in the passenger seat. Thankfully, my dad taught me how to back
stuff up with the tractor when I was 10.
Praise God for that one too.
Anyway, I am impressed with, and incredibly grateful for, his cool, calm
attitude. The kids call him “Batman” or
“Batdad.” And he is…just…so…calm as we
load up and he hands me the truck keys.
He slides into the passenger seat without a word and then thanks me for
driving.
Sometimes Rob rambles off all kinds of advice (needed or
not), and I just let him ramble as much as he wants, so he could feel like the
man – the head of the household – the protector of his wife and family – the
knight in shining armor, and an ever capable holder of the man card. Especially when I had to tow a 12,000 pound
trailer up and down some major hills and it wanted to fishtail on me. And, once we got the trailer to the camping
spot and had a tight corner to make over rough ground (a big hole on one side
and a big rock on the other) and we thought we might high center the trailer or
rip the plumbing off the bottom, he insisted on taking over while I watched the
pipes (we cleared the ground by about a centimeter at the most). He is still capable of doing that (no traffic
to dodge), and I think it is good for him to hang onto the battered, torn and
faded man card still in his pocket.
I am independent enough that I used to be offended when he
would step in – “don’t you think I can do it?” – but I know that he needs to
feel like he is “saving us” – and my vision blurs as I remind myself that I
have plenty of days ahead to “do it all by myself” – even on the days when I won’t
want to.
Thank you, Lord…Thank you for walking ahead and leading us
silly sheep of yours down this uncertain and treacherous path.
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