Fired

(January 4, 2015)

Sometimes, when something you have dreaded for a long time finally happens, it brings a measure of relief.  You discover that the thing you feared most wasn’t as scary as you thought it would be.

I have learned this in many ways over the years…from being charged by a griz, to rolling my sled off a mountain in Cooke City (while 5 months pregnant), etc.

For 3 or 4 years, I have been scared of Rob losing his job based on his symptoms.  He was let go in 2013 before taking his current position.  The entire time he has worked here, I have waited in fear for his boss to be frustrated with his mental and physical limitations and fire him. 

It was scary. 

He can’t keep a job!  How would we pay the bills?  What will that mean for our future?  It was all very scary.  Every day and half the night I stressed, worried, prayed and panicked about his work status, because I could see the writing on the wall.

I think the only possible way that he was not fired, is because he worked so independently.  They could not see his symptoms, but could only see the results of his symptoms on his work performance - he was slow and unproductive.  His driving was terrible and the office had to deal with angry commuters calling the shop on a daily basis to report him.  He could not follow instructions.  He got the trucks stuck in the fields.  He took 3 times as long as normal to service a truck or do a repair job.  They had to start using an outside shop to complete their mechanical work instead of having him do it.  Rob was angry, frustrated, depressed and bitter.  Even he could not see that he was doing a poor job at work, because he could not see his symptoms.  I felt like I was all alone in seeing his symptoms and seeing how it has negatively affected his ability to work over the past 5-6 years.

He had been an efficient shop foreman and diesel mechanic for a large trucking company.  No one complained about his work ethic.  No one complained that he was slow.  He managed the entire shop.  But now he struggles to complete his daily work load.  Everyone complains that he is too slow.  He is struggling to provide for his family and is extremely stressed.  He is in trouble at work all the time.  Trying to maintain a job while having all of his mental and physical symptoms is exhausting and extremely stressful for all of us.  I tell him...it is time to be tested so you can just quit and try to get on disability. 

We have life insurance.  We have long term care insurance.  We have some savings and a good church family.  He has paid into Disability for 25 years, so he should receive an adequate monthly income – eventually.  We may need to take out some loans or charge up some credit cards until I can pay them off with life insurance.  How can we save the house?  How can a man provide for his family if he isn’t working.  But he needs to stop working.  If he does not quit, he is going to get in an accident on the road.  He will be fired soon.  I don’t know how he has not been fired in the past year and a half. 

God’s timing is always right.  And He is at work with us now.

We had decided for Rob to get tested, and at our initial appointment, the blood was drawn.

It is sitting in a lab waiting analysis…

And we are anxiously awaiting the results.

He is still trying to work, but he just can’t do it.  He is stressed and depressed trying to maintain his employment. 

So we enter Christmas season with an extended holiday break over Christmas and New Year’s.  After a few days of not working, he has improved somewhat, although he is angry at the prospect of returning to work and the stress that will bring. 

January 4, he returned to work only to be let go.

I should be stressed by this.

But I am not surprised.

I have been afraid of and waiting for this day since he began working there. 

I knew he would eventually be fired…I only thought it would happen much sooner than this.

But I wasn’t sure how Rob would react…he has such a strong work ethic and belief that it is his job to provide for his family.

The kids and I were driving from one place to another and randomly decided to stop at the house quick in between the two. 

When we turned the corner, we found a work truck backed up to the house and Rob unloading his toolboxes.  My initial reaction was an overwhelming feeling of relief.  We wouldn’t be living under the “what if” anymore.  Rob wouldn’t be struggling and fighting to maintain a job to provide for his family.  What I had feared for so long just became another small bump in the road of life.  What was to be afraid of? 

Even in unloading his boxes, he struggled with the thought processes.  I was amazed as we helped him unload his stuff, that he had not been fired much much earlier.  If this is how he completed a task at work, how had he remained employed?!?!  He struggled just to think through unloading his tools and equipment.  When we lowered his toolbox down on the truck lift, Rob let go and turned around to do something.  He should have continued to unload it first and make sure it was secure.  Instead, the box started to roll and tip off the loading deck.  I jumped and reached for it, but it was too heavy and tipped over, hitting C who was running to try to catch it.  Thankfully he got out of the way before he was completely crushed.  My heart broke as just watching him unload all of his equipment, I could see a million symptoms rearing their ugly heads.  I don’t know how he stayed employed the last 2-3 years!

So, we feared that he would lose his job. 

Now it has happened.

And I’m no longer afraid.

Poor Rob is already trying to figure out where he can apply for another job, or if he could start a dump truck business, and I just shake my head…he can’t see or recognize his symptoms.  I try to convince him to wait for his test results before getting too gung ho on looking for a job.  I can’t tell him that he is not capable of holding down a job – that would hurt him too much.  He agrees to wait at least a few days. 

I think I’ll call the lab tomorrow and see if we can get his results.

Then we’ll see what task God has set before us.

It’s all okay – it is His plan – and I am completely at peace.

I am relieved that Rob is no longer driving trucks down the road.  I’m relieved he is no longer fighting to stay employed.  I am relieved…by the very thing I have feared.

Silly me, I should have remembered that God has it all under control.