Anniversaries

When our church installed mailboxes for the members, it became very easy to slip small notes and cards to members of my church family.  I unintentionally became the “card lady” when I started putting in birthday and anniversary cards as they are posted in the newsletter.  It is an easy thing to do.  The older church members really enjoy them, as they are often forgotten in our high-tech, social media world.  If they aren’t on facebook, who will tell them happy birthday?  It is a small effort to brighten someone’s day and bring a smile to their face.  I guess I just feel like it is something God has asked me to do, in order to share and spread His love among His people.  And I really enjoy being able to spread a little cheer around my church family.

It has been getting a little harder to write out anniversary cards, since it reminds me that Rob and I have a limited number of years remaining to celebrate together.  Seeing others celebrate milestones is bittersweet, because I am happy for them and thank God for His blessings in their lives, but there is sadness because I don’t know how many more anniversaries we’ll be able to celebrate.

Even though I fully realize our time is limited, as I wrote out cards for couples celebrating 50-60+ years of marriage, I nearly dropped my pen. I always wanted to be married for 50+ years, and I suddenly realized, I never will be.  It was as though the full realization of our shortened lives together hit me all at once.  I will never be able to celebrate 50 or more years of marriage.  The thought was so random and so sudden, it is hard to explain…because I KNOW and mourn the fact that we have few anniversaries remaining…so why the sudden realization of not making it to 50 years?  How many more anniversaries will we celebrate?  Five? Seven? Probably not 10.  We’ve been married for 19 years, and at the rate Rob is declining, I don’t think we will make it to 30 years together. But we will be thankful for how ever many God sees fit to bless us with.  He is the captain of this ship, and we’re just along for the ride!  Praise Him, for He is good!

I sometimes watch elderly couples as they care for each other, and blink back tears as I mourn the loss of that same future for Rob and I. Long before Rob was sick, I used to look at the rows of white-haired widows in church, and hope for good friends in my old age, but now, those days are coming much too quickly.  I’m not afraid of being alone…I’m not alone and never will be with my family, friends, church family and most importantly, the Lord, supporting me and loving me.  But a part of me will be missing.  I won’t have my best friend with me anymore.  Two became one…and when the other half of me is gone, then I won’t feel whole.  I’m not mourning the fact that I will be alone sometimes, I am mourning the fact that Rob won’t be with me.  Although, in all honestly, on one of his many bad days, he is already gone.  My Rob just isn’t there anymore on those bad days.

As our anniversary approached, I wanted to do something special, even though 19 isn’t a milestone like 20 or 30.  We don’t have many anniversaries left to celebrate, so I wanted to make it as special for Rob as I could.  I spent a whole $30 on a USFS cabin rental and took Rob to the mountains.

What a change…

What a change!!

For our first anniversary, I did much of the same thing, only we went the backcountry route.  This year, I chose a cabin I could drive to in my car.  Instead of driving ATVs 18 miles back in to a cabin surrounded by thick griz country and no one within 20 miles of us, I drove my car to a cabin about ½ mile from a heavily used trailhead system and campground.  Instead of scouting animals above treeline at 9,600 feet, we watched them from car windows as we drove through private land.  Instead of riding horses or wheelers on an all-day ride, or hiking 12-15 miles, we sat leisurely in chairs along the creek and I helped him carefully cross the bridges over the creek.  We did go for a “hike” – but in 2 hours of walking down a level path, we only covered 4-5 miles instead of 7-8 miles in steep, rugged terrain.  Instead of Rob leading the way and being the one who took me into the mountains and watched over me and protected me, I was the one who was taking him out and carefully watching his every step, making sure he had sunblock and bug spray, keeping track of his gear, and generally being responsible for his needs.  Instead of following him as the leader, I have to charge forward and take the lead – on the trail and in life.  Recognizing all the change makes tears squeeze their way out no matter how hard I fight them.  Instead of charging across the raging creek on horses after several days of archery hunting in a wall tent way back in the backcountry, we carefully crossed bridges on foot, holding tightly to the railing and Rob had to use his walking poles for balance.  Then we drove the car up and down the road to look at the scenery and wildlife.  Instead of whispering hopes and dreams for the future as we stare at the stars, we pour over legal documents and discuss end-of-life decisions, life support, feeding tubes, and living wills.  Romantic as ever.

But some things do not change.  Some small things have not changed too drastically yet.  Sitting quietly holding hands and being still to know that HE is God.  A (strangely) traditional anniversary dinner of campfire hotdogs, staying up until the Milky Way swings overhead, snuggling in our fuzzy cozy sleeping bags and listening to the wind in the trees has not change.  Being able to put our trust and faith in Christ fully is forever, eternal, steadfast and unchanging.  The important things do not change.  The big things do not change.  Our love for each other and trusting God with our future has not changed.  It is His – we are His – we’ll do as He asks and praise Him all the while.  He is leading us through the valley of the shadow of death, and all we have to do is follow Him.  Praise the Lord – for He is good and His mercy endures forever.  God never changes. He is unchanging. His love is unchanging.  His love and mercy last forever.

¹ Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever.

² Let Israel say:
    “His love endures forever.”
³ Let the house of Aaron say:
    “His love endures forever.”
⁴ Let those who fear the Lord say:
    “His love endures forever.”

⁵ When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord;
    he brought me into a spacious place.
⁶ The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.
    What can mere mortals do to me?

~ Psalm 118: 1-6 ~

³⁴ Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever.  ~ 1 Chronicles 16:34

⁸ Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

~ Hebrews 13:8 ~

The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,

For His compassions never fail.

~ Lamentations 3:22 ~

 

¹⁹ God is not human, that he should lie,
    not a human being, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
    Does he promise and not fulfill?

Numbers 23:19

¹ Praise the Lord.  Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever. Psalm 106

  

Psalm 107

¹ Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever.

² Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—
    those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,

¹⁷ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

¹¹ the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, and the voices of those who bring thank offerings to the house of the Lord, saying,

“Give thanks to the Lord Almighty,
    for the Lord is good;
    his love endures forever.”

For I will restore the fortunes of the land as they were before,’ says the Lord.

Jeremiah 33:11

⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving
    and his courts with praise;
    give thanks to him and praise his name.
⁵ For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
    his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 100:4-5

“For I am the Lord, I do not change;
Therefore you are not consumed, O sons of Jacob.  Malachi 3:6

 

…You laid the foundation of the earth,
And the heavens are the work of Your hands.
²⁶ They will perish, but You will endure;
Yes, they will all grow old like a garment;
Like a cloak You will change them,
And they will be changed.
²⁷ But You are the same,
And Your years will have no end.

Psalm 102:25-27

¹ Praise the Lord, all you nations;
    extol him, all you peoples.
² For great is his love toward us,
    and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.

Praise the Lord. 

Psalm 117

¹³ The trumpeters and musicians joined in unison to give praise and thanks to the Lord. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, the singers raised their voices in praise to the Lord and sang:

“He is good;
    his love endures forever.”

Then the temple of the Lord was filled with the cloud, ¹⁴ and the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the temple of God.

2 Chronicles 5:13-14

Psalm 136

¹ Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
² Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
³ Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.

⁴ to him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.
⁵ who by his understanding made the heavens,
His love endures forever.
⁶ who spread out the earth upon the waters,
His love endures forever.
⁷ who made the great lights—
His love endures forever.
⁸ the sun to govern the day,
His love endures forever.
⁹ the moon and stars to govern the night;
His love endures forever.

¹⁰ to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt
His love endures forever.
¹¹ and brought Israel out from among them
His love endures forever.
¹² with a mighty hand and outstretched arm;
His love endures forever.

¹³ to him who divided the Red Sea^[a] asunder
His love endures forever.
¹⁴ and brought Israel through the midst of it,
His love endures forever.
¹⁵ but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea;
His love endures forever.

¹⁶ to him who led his people through the wilderness;
His love endures forever.

¹⁷ to him who struck down great kings,
His love endures forever.
¹⁸ and killed mighty kings—
His love endures forever.
¹⁹ Sihon king of the Amorites
His love endures forever.
²⁰ and Og king of Bashan—
His love endures forever.
²¹ and gave their land as an inheritance,
His love endures forever.
²² an inheritance to his servant Israel.
His love endures forever.

²³ He remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.
²⁴ and freed us from our enemies.
His love endures forever.
²⁵ He gives food to every creature.
His love endures forever.

²⁶ Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His love endures forever.

I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter his courts with praise.  I will say this is the day that the Lord has made. 

I will rejoice for he has made me glad.