The Fog...

Rob is lost in a fog.
Most days he is trapped in the fog and can't get out.
Very rarely, do we get a glimpse of him in a brief moment of clarity.

Yesterday...yesterday we had a moment of clarity when he told me to have fun.

But, the rest of the time, he is in the fog.
For a while, we were having the same conversations every day.
Then he began repeating the same phrases over and over all day long.
Now, we are repeating everything within minutes.

So, today I stayed home after galavanting around with my girl for part of yesterday.

I had a long list of chores to take care of. 

Rob's phrases today were: "I'm retired" and "I guess God wants me to be retired" "I have Huntington's" " I didn't get a good nap" and the other usual culprits.

I thought I would try to do something with him and get him out of the house and out of his brain and out of the fog.  A lot of times if we get him out into a different situation or around a different person, he perks up and starts telling stories or at least having a conversation without using the same phrases all day. 

So, first, I offered to take him on a scenic drive to go find a trailhead to a secret lake my neighbor was telling us to fish. I plan to take Cody up there, but I heard the road was washed out, so I wanted to check it out before heading over there. But, we decided it would have been too long of a day for him.  Then he started giving me a long list of excuses, like...I can't hike that far (we aren't hiking, just driving), and he isn't a very good fisherman (we aren't fishing - just driving)...but he wasn't clear on that.  So we scratched that off the list.  I asked him if there was anything he wanted to do today.  He didn't have any ideas.

I started on some house chores and after an hour or so offered to take him on a scenic drive while looking for huckleberries.  I had a couple of places close to the road I wanted to go look at.  He kept telling me that he can't hike and asked me 20 times if it was hot outside. Finally,  I went to the grocery store and came home to work on some freezer meals in the AC and do more laundry and typical house chores. 

He continued to ask me. "was it hot outside when you went to get groceries" (yes, it's 90). "Is it hot outside?" (yes, it's 90), "I'm retired" "Is it hot outside?" "Are you doing chores?" "Are you going to pick raspberries?" (No, I thought I would look for some hucks, IF I take you on a scenic drive) "Is it hot outside?" "We have raspberries in the back yard" "Is it hot outside?" "Are you going to pick raspberries?" "I think I'll stay home" "Is it hot outside?" "I don't like raspberries" "Were you hot when you went to the store?" "I can't hike" "we have raspberries in the back yard." "I didn't get a good nap." "I'm not a good hiker." "Are you going to go pick raspberries?"  "How far away are you going?" "we have raspberries in the yard." "I'm not going!" "Is it hot outside?" "Are you doing chores?" "When are you picking raspberries?" "I can't sleep in a moving car" "I need different shoes." "Are you picking raspberries?"

It did not matter how many times I explained that I am NOT going to pick raspberries.  I was offering to take him on a scenic drive, in the evening, when it cools off.  (He loves scenic drives.)  I want to take you somewhere different, on a scenic drive, in the air conditioned car, where we might see elk, and IF I happen to see huckleberries from the road, I might like to pick some.  He didn't understand.  He kept asking me about hiking in the mountains to pick raspberries. 

Y'all.
Just stop.
You all say "you are so strong and patient and kind and loving taking care of him..."

You don't see me when I finally yell, "STOP talking about raspberries! Forget I even SAID anything!" then lower my voice and say, "I THOUGHT I would be NICE and offer to take you on a scenic drive...and IF I just HAPPEN to see some hucks on the side of the road, I would pick some! But just forget it! Forget I said ANYTHING!"

And he says, "well, I guess, if you really want me to go look for raspberries with you, I could..."
"NO! forget it!"
"well, I'll be hot (the guy wearing 3 layers of fleece on a 90 degree day) and I'll need to bring water"
"We are NOT going ANYWHERE"

He almost did not even miss a beat..."So...are you doing chores?" "Did I sleep okay" "I'm sorry you didn't sleep good." " I have Huntington's."
He did stop asking about the berries...so...there's that.

I am not a patient person.  I need to work on that. 
sigh.

I try, but...I fail!

SO - if anyone is wondering...we did NOT go for a scenic drive and pick any kind of berry that we may or may not have seen from the non-existent road!😆