In Home Care - August 5

 In home care.

I had a dental cleaning yesterday morning.

My gums are getting worse and I’m close to starting to lose bone…which is normally a sign of gum disease and poor oral hygiene.  In my case, the dentist walks in and says, “I don’t think this is a matter of gum disease and poor care, I know your personal life.  And I can’t imagine the amount of stress that you are under.  I think your gums are inflamed from being under constant compression.” He verifies that I wear my mouth guard at night.  Yep.  And verifies that I still clench my teeth during the day.  Yup – but I usually don’t notice until my jaw hurts.  So…I’m going to end up grinding my own teeth off, and destroying the bone.  Because I can’t stop clenching my teeth.

Stress?  Yes.

I’m trying my very best to take good care of Rob. 

I’m trying to give him the best care possible.

But…lately, I have come to realize, that I just can’t do it…

And I especially can’t do it when I need to be at work, to earn a paycheck and keep my benefits like health insurance, DENTAL insurance and long term care insurance!

SO – I’m recruiting help.

I have turned in my claim, signed by the doctor, to start using my long term care insurance.  I’ve been impatiently waiting the response.  My insurance policy has a 90 day exclusion period, so, what the heck, I might as well get started on some in home care.  I’m not sure how I will pay for a caregiver during those first 90 days, but I know God will provide.  In fact, I can take the money out of an account that was donated to us through our church.  I’ve always wanted to keep that money intact and a nice whole, round, number instead of nickel and diming it away to nothing.  But…it’s there to help me care for Rob, so I’ll just have to tap into it and use it, I guess. 

So, I’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting and stressing and stressing and stressing.  After the dentist office, I make a phone call to the in home care company to set up a meeting and care consultation. I might as well get started.

I’ve been really stressed about this decision. It has been really hard to make.  I’m always concerned about making a wrong decision or making a mistake or messing up somehow.  Should I start using the Long Term Care insurance now?  What if I use it all up and run out while I still need it?  What if Rob needs to be in a facility and I’ve used it all up now?  What if I run out of funds?  Why do I worry so?  I am a child of the King of all kings and LORD of all lords.  I know he will provide.  He always has. 

Over a year ago, I had contacted MILP (Montana Independent Living Project), to see if we qualified.  I was excited, because I would be able to pick who I wanted to help care for Rob, and they would pay up to a certain rate.  But within minutes of that first phone call with them, I was told that we do not qualify for MILP.  To receive assistance from MILP, we have to be eligible for Medicaid.  Rob has medicare and also my insurance at work.  MILP said they could help me jump through the hoops of applying for Medicaid, if we qualified.  At that time, they said I would not qualify for Medicaid, because I made too much money.  (that’s the funniest part of this story!)  I looked into cutting back my hours to earn less, but it wasn’t feasible.  So, we don’t qualify for Medicaid, so MILP is not an option, so I have to use my long term care insurance or pay out of pocket (now that is really hilarious!).

I stopped and chatted with my niece after the dentist.  You know…it has taken me too long to get things lined up and organized for in home care. She mentioned that her mom is on Medicaid, and so they can pick the person they want to be her caregiver, and then MILP pays their salary.  It’s like…the stress of my decisions affects my memory negatively.  I completely forgot I had looked into all of this a year ago.  I only remembered we didn’t qualify for MILP, but forgot everything else.  So, when my niece starts telling me about this, and then I pop in the car to drive 40 minutes back to work, I start stressing and obsessing that I’ve done something wrong if she can be on Medicaid but Rob isn’t.  I am 20 minutes into the drive home before I remember that I had gone over all of this a year ago with the MILP people.  Instead, I start wondering if I let something slip through the cracks.  Was I supposed to apply for Medicaid?  I had filled out and turned in everything we needed for SSI disability.  With that, we received Medicare part A.  I had to read through everything to make sure I understand what is being covered, and then decide it’s best to keep him covered with my health insurance from work.

Yeah…so…here I am, leaving the dentist office, where I am told that I am grinding my own teeth off…and…I am now stressed and clenching my teeth all the way back to work.  I also start panicking again about starting to use the money and if I will run out or not.  Only God knows the answer…but I also know I can trust Him to provide.  But I still sit at work researching all I can about Medicaid.  I would love to use MILP instead of my insurance.

Everything I can find tells me I can’t get Rob signed up for Medicaid…so…sigh.

Being a caregiver spouse of someone with Huntington’s involves so many decisions and no guidebook or checklist of what to do. 

I wonder if I should put together a care team of friends who can help me make decisions or give me advice on moving forward.  But who would I ask, and then if I schedule something, we have to all be there.  And the thought of all that can be completely overwhelming at times. 

I guess I’ll just keep plowing forward and wearing my mouth guard. 

We are meeting with in home care next week.