Over-reacting

Oh, how I trust the Lord, for He is Good, and His love and mercy last through all generations....

I try so hard leave our future in His good and perfect hands.  I would say that most of the time, I can calmly face our future, for I know - without a doubt - that HE will care for us - He will guide us - HE will strengthen and encourage us.  He is all that is good and pure and noble and true.  He is full of grace and mercy, love and peace.  I can assuredly say, "His will be done."

But of course, there are times, of...not really doubt...but...over-reacting.

I watch Hubby walk, and wonder.
I watch Hubby lose simple things, like directions or maps or log books, and I wonder.
Am I over-reacting?
Is this a normal progression with age?
I'm getting older and more forgetful at times, but I don't misplace tools that are important to my job...
And most often they are not lost, but he will ask "have you seen my _____" and he has usually left it in an odd location instead of keeping track of it.
This is NOT common for him....this is a new thing in the past two years.

I try hard not to think the worst every time he makes a mistake, or spills another glass of milk across the table, or locks his keys in his car again...but...I suppose it is only natural to think the worst when these are new characteristics so unlike the Hubby I have known.

I try to have patience instead of panic when he cannot stop moving his feet and hands in the evenings, or when we lie in bed and before he drops off to sleep he twitches arms, legs, feet, hands, etc. for 30-40 minutes, shaking the bed.  When he holds my hand and it twitches and squeezes my fingers, I try not to pull my hand away, but bite my lip and blink back the tears brought on by both physical and emotional pain.  I'll hold his hand for as long as I can.  But then I wonder...am I really seeing symptoms, or am I just panicking.  Am I seeing symptoms of HD just because I am looking for them?

When did he start having a hard time socializing?  With some people he acts like the same old Hubby, but with others, his conversations are...somewhat...awkward.  And he is ever so clumsy compared to my Hubby.  Why, the other day we were in an archery store, and he literally walked right into some privately owned bows hanging on hooks in the shooting range and knocked them to the concrete floor.  Oh my goodness...the people were accommodating, but I thought we would be purchasing two new bows for these people!  I felt sorry for Hubby, I know he felt awful...but...I immediately thought it was yet one more proof that he has HD.  I worry at times like these - how many mistakes does he make at work?  How long will he be able to work before he can no longer perform the necessary tasks? Not just of his current job, but of ANY job?!?

In my heart, I know.  I just know.  But I don't want to believe.  It is much easier to doubt my observations.  It is easier to assume I am seeing things and panicking and over-reacting to my fears and not facts.  Besides, God has it all in control.  But then we sit together on the couch, and his feet are up on the recliner and off the recliner and this way and that way and his hands are jerking around and I close my eyes and whisper a prayer to my Savior, my Lord, my Holy Spirit...to please give me strength.

I both know...and I wonder...at the same time.
Maybe it's all in my head....maybe I'm looking too hard at his new faults...but then I know...I'm not over-reacting.  So I find comfort in my Lord.

If God is for me, who (or what) can be against me?
and I praise Him...for without Him and His strength and peace, I would surely have crumbled long ago.