Early May 2020

I haven't kept up, but now I think I need to post daily.  So, I'm cruising back through some facebook posts to try and summarize the past couple months.

May.

Took Rob for a scenic drive up Spanish Creek.  It is hard to believe he is paying attention, as he rides in the car slumped over with his eyes closed.  I keep pointing things out to him and trying to stimulate conversation and memories.  Even pointing out bison, he will sometimes look the wrong way.  But, he did get focused in and started chatting and looking at animals.  We saw a big herd of elk and I kept trying to help him find them in the binoculars, but he couldn't do it.  He would look the wrong direction, or too high, or too low. Sometimes he was pointed in the right direction, but he said he couldn't see them.  He kept saying his binoculars were broken, but I could see through them just fine.  He did pretty good for the most part.




In May, as Rob's cognition declined and dementia increased, I started having more anxiety and depression.  I know I need to care for myself as well. So, I determined I was going to get out in the mountains more and have some time to Be Still.  So, I did quite a few hikes.  It was great.  I need to do more!

I've also gotten more diligent about my morning devotions.
Timely devotions this morning
👉 God never changes.
👉 His word never changes.
👉 His plan is always in place.
💥 No matter what is going on in your world.

Rob is getting much more difficult to handle.  His conversations are increasingly just the same phrases all day long.  I keep trying to pull him out of the fog, but he can't see his way out.  It is exhausting.  I feel bad for saying so.  People tell me I am strong, but they don't hear me say "I KNOW you had Meals on Wheels today! I'm the one who ordered it for you!" after he has told me for the 30th time that he had MoW that day. 

I know God is in control and has a good and perfect plan.  But I often lose that in the moment when Rob has told me the same thing for the 40th time.  I'm working on getting Rob comfortable with the idea of having a caregiver come in a couple of times a week.  He had a #2 accident while I was at work...and struggled to clean everything up by himself.  When I got home...it wasn't clean.  I know everyone wants to help us...but who do I call and ask to go clean up a digestive issue?

Hang in there kids....this ride is getting more and more interesting as we go...