Acknowledge the Elephant...or Keep it in a cage

Someone accused me of having poor communication with Hubby - because I have 3 (a whole 3 - and all of you) - dear dear friends who I can talk to about Hubby and HD; and yet, I allow him to keep the elephant in the room and not discuss it with him.  "It's a sign of a bad marriage if you can't talk to him - he's supposed to be your best friend."

However, we can often talk about something, without actually talking about it.  We can discuss the elephant in the room, without naming him.  We read each other's minds...

So I simply have to say, yes - yes he is - my very best friend...but because I love him and cherish him dearly - I allow him the luxury of protecting his heart and mind from the painful memories...and I throw a blanket over the elephant.  I know Hubby accepts God's will in this matter just as we do with all of life.  But do we NEED to discuss it every day?  Wouldn't that cause us more worry?  In my opinion, worry is simply a lack of trusting in God's will.  HIS GOOD and PERFECT will.  I honestly believe it will bring unnecessary stress into his life if we talk about the elephant in the room constantly.  The devil sends enough flaming darts into our lives - I don't think I need to poor gasoline on the flames!  We do mention the elephant on occasion...but...more than anything, we try to keep it behind a curtain, inside a cage.

Sometimes, I wonder if he notices the twitching and other symptoms.  When he twitches and fidgets with his feet, it bugs me because I do not know if it is habit  or if it is a symptom.  But every time I point it out, he says, "I've always been fidgety."  Okay - so I won't ask anymore - but every single twitch he makes, I wonder, "is he sick?!?"

Sometimes I think that perhaps he sees the symptoms but is trying to protect the kids and I by not acknowledging it.  What good would it do him, if I were to point out every time he flinches?  Let's say I discuss his symptoms with him again...I will only rekindle old, bad, terrible, horrible memories from his childhood, and sadness for his sister and her family, and fears for the future.  He has lived his WHOLE LIFE dealing with the tragic and horrific effects of Huntington's disease on his family.  He SEES the big picture.  Old feelings and tragedies are resurrected when talking about it.  So...by pointing out every symptom when I see it, all I do is rip open the vault full of painful memories.  He does not need me to create more worry and depression, and fears for the future.  He knows the pain of Huntington's - personally and deeply.  We do not need to sit and talk about it every waking moment!

He knows the elephant is in the room, and he doesn't need me to remind him it is there.  So we will both continue our little dance, beating around the bushes, talking of other "what if something happens" - without naming HD - for the most part.  We both know fully well what we are thinking about and talking about....we don't need to get into great details and call the elephant by name.  We are both keeping the elephant carefully locked in a cage, so that we can protect the other one from being squished, trampled, and killed by the elephant. 

We have both fully accepted God's will for us in this matter....we've both discussed that...we've talked about HD...but I don't need to talk about it daily and be a constant reminder, a burr under the saddle (uuummm - that just makes the horse buck!) and a tool for Satan's flaming darts. 

Instead, we pray.  We pray, and we accept God's will.  We pray, we accept God's will, and protect each other by hiding the elephant in a cage behind a very transparent curtain.  That is the best both of us can do.