Trouble in Paradise...

Trouble in Paradise…

Hubby had been on the new job for close to a month, and we all thought things were going well.  He was getting a lot of the work no one else wanted to do, but as low man on the totem pole, it is what we expected.  He has worked hard and enjoyed his new co-workers.  Then out of the blue, they began telling him he needed to work harder.  They met with him, told him he is working too slow and gave him 2 weeks to “turn it around” even though he is already working as fast as he can go.  He is pretty upset, as he has been giving over 100% and getting everything done.  In all of his entire life, no one has ever questioned his work ethic.  He does not feel he can make any kind of improvement to save his job, as he works extremely hard and even works through the breaks that the other guys take. 

This came as such a complete shock, especially to Hubby.  We thought we were following God’s leading to this job…but now he is under the microscope and every action he takes is scrutinized.  Even if he passes the 2 week check – he is only 5 weeks into his 6 month probationary period, and they can fire him at any time with no explanation. 

We stress, we pray, we stress, we agonize, we pray. I attempt not to worry…but it is difficult.  Neither of us sleep for about a week.  I can’t eat anything and start vomiting in the shower as I try to get ready each morning.  I think I have an ulcer.  I have a couple panic attacks.  And I pray.  And I PRAY.  And I give it ALL to God and leave it in HIS hands and ask that HIS will be done – not only in this but in ALL things.  I try to leave it at the foot of the cross, and the foot of His throne, without taking a piece of it back with me. 

The hardest part is watching Hubby.  He is stressed and obviously depressed.  He either stares at the wall or is curled up on the couch.  We both try to trust in God’s plan, but are confused and need some wisdom to know what to do.  We pray for God’s leading and presence and peace and joy.

I do not worry (at least I try not!)  I trust in Him.  But I hurt and mourn.  I believe this is a clear sign that Hubby is most definitely sick with Huntington’s.  His sister just recently went to court for a THIRD TIME to attempt to get disability benefits.  Several of us wrote letters outlining specific incidences of when we first noticed her symptoms and inability to work.  Now Hubby is having trouble at work for not being fast enough.  This was the complaint of his former employer as well.  So I wonder if I need to start documenting what I notice. 

I want to spend my time loving him…not analyzing every move he makes.  I want to live each day to its fullest – and not search for the worst situations and agonize over what I see.  But he is having trouble at work…and he does not understand why…for he is working as fast as he can…but I think about things he has done lately…and things that I have seen…and I think - no, I KNOW - his symptoms are affecting his work performance.  

So while I suppose my stress should have been concentrated on the potential that he would lose his job, I stress about the busy-ness of my life and that I need to research disability benefits and if we can cash in on life insurance and retirement accounts early to cover “the gap” between diagnosis and…ultimately…death.  I hate that word.  Praise the Lord that we do not need to die a permanent death, but death of the body is new life in Christ!!  Oh to see that glorious day!!  Oh, to see Hubby HEALTHY and without ailments!  Oh, curse you, sin and evil! 

If he loses his job, I will have to have “the talk” with him.  We always say that we don’t see a need for him to get tested, but…at what point will he notice his symptoms, and at what point will he determine the need to be tested?  He would HATE being on disability instead of working…but that might be sooner than I anticipated.  I was hoping for a good 5 years at this job first.  I wonder if I should get a letter from his previous employer detailing any decline they noticed in his mental abilities between when he started working for them and when he stopped – but I don’t want to go behind his back, or start spreading rumors that he is sick if, indeed, he is not sick and simply showing his age.  I mean, I have declined mental abilities compared to 20 years ago also!! 

Finally, with much prayer and acceptance of the Lord’s will, I decide I need to document the symptoms I have noted.

1)    Delayed reaction time.  The guy that used to get the hole shot at every motocross race, and was always quick on his feet, has a noticeable delay when reacting to different situations.  He thinks he is moving fast…he does not notice a delay...but it is noticeably slower than even 5 years ago.

2)    It takes him longer to think things through when solving problems.  Sometimes just deciding where to place the tie straps on the four wheelers and dirt bikes – which has always just been an automatic thing – takes him a while to figure out how he wants to do it.  He just has to think through things that were automatic before.  Sometimes I have to suggest a solution to a problem or just show him how it should be done…and he has always been the leader of our home – not me.  I noticed when we were hunting last fall, that he didn’t make a lot of decisions on his own, but based them off of me.  He made some poor decisions, or didn’t make his own decisions.  The bull he shot, he shot because I told him that I couldn’t get a clear shot and he should shoot it….however…if he wanted to pass the bull up, he could have…but he shot it because I said to.

3)    He is much more forgetful.  Granted, I am way more forgetful than I used to be too, but…he seems to be much more forgetful than he ever was before.  He forgets things as soon as I tell them to him.

4)    He seems to have a hard time keeping things straight, so he repeats his instructions to himself.  “I need to do this and that” and “On Tuesday, I need to do that.” Once I gave him a piece of insurance paperwork that we had been waiting on for a month, and told him that he HAD to bring it to work and turn it in, and the next day he asked “is this the piece of paper I need to bring to work?” Sometimes I have to explain things to him like I would give instructions to a kid.  When we were hunting in the elkhorns, he got his internal map mixed up.  He is the kind of outdoorsman you could drop out of a helicopter, and he would walk out within 20 feet of where he wanted to go.  There were a couple times he was 100% sure he was walking towards the four wheeler, or that we could get to the four wheeler by looping around, but I had to keep reminding him which direction the wheeler was.  It really scared me that I had to redirect him several times.  He has NEVER needed help.  He is usually more accurate than a GPS system.

5)    He repeats himself a lot more than he used to.  Sometimes he reminds me of someone in the early stages of Alzheimer’s or dementia.  He will tell a story about someone at work and then 20 minutes later say, “Did I tell you about the guy at work with the snake?”

6)      He can be more depressed.  Granted, he has a lot of stress and anxiety right now, but he quite often looks and acts depressed.

7)    He is very tired and sleepy.  He has always needed his sleep, and he IS working 10 hour days, but he is very sleepy and tired all the time.  He spends a lot more time on the couch than he ever did.

8)    Anger Outbursts.  We know him as Mr. Flatliner.  He generally does not express a lot of emotion.  But he has had a couple of temper tantrums lately over small things…like…water bottles in the fridge.  Because we are used to his calm, peaceful demeanor, we all freak out when he gets mad and angry. 

9)    He has very noticeable fidgeting with his hands and feet.  He twitches a lot.  I sometimes find it difficult (mentally) to hold his hand, because I can feel his fingers twitching constantly.  His feet can’t stay still.  Not while sitting on the couch in the evenings, not while sitting in church on Sunday mornings…he cannot sit still!  He also jerks his arms more…often when he is purposefully moving his arm from one place to the other, then it jerks really hard and fast instead of moving slowly. 

10) Walking…his gait is changing, and he is more clumsy.  He has always had cat like reflexes and been really quick on his feet, but last fall when we were hunting, I noticed that he tripped a lot more and was clumsy on his feet.  He had noticeable more problems with logs, roots, plants, rocks, etc. to the point where it scared me.  When he walks, he is more stiff legged and sometimes a little jerky.

11) He is becoming (on occasion) a little more socially awkward.  Sometimes he struggles to have a conversation without chuckling when he shouldn’t. When talking to people, he looks at me instead of looking at the other person as if he is unsure of himself or needs me to complete his sentences for him.  He rocks back and forth when talking to people.  He sometimes changes the subject of the conversation out of the blue.  

12) He has started telling a lot of stories from the old days – which is fine – but it reminds me of someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s.  They tend to talk about the things they can remember correctly….and sometimes he does too.  He has a harder time remembering what happened last week at work, but tells stories over and over about 20 years ago.  We all love to share our old remembrances, but sometimes it makes me worry when he goes into great detail and tells stories from “back in the day” instead of having a conversation about what is going on right now.

Maybe these aren’t symptoms of Huntington’s Disease…maybe he is simply getting older…goodness knows my brain isn’t as good as it used to be…but maybe I’m not the only one seeing the problem and that is why he is having a hard time at work and they think he is too slow. 

I really hoped he would be able to stay on at his new job for at least 5 years, but we haven’t made it 5 weeks.

I know without a doubt that God will care for us and provide us with all of our needs….and I do completely trust him in this…but I struggle sometimes because I want to know HOW.  How will I make house payments or buy groceries?

He will not want to go on disability.  He will not want stay at home when he really is capable of still working – he is just working much slower, and his thought processes take longer.  But if he can’t keep a job because he is too slow…well…

I guess we’ll see what they tell him at his meeting.

If he gets laid off, I will need to get him somewhere in the mountains, away from the kids, and ask him if he has noticed any symptoms and wants to get tested and file for disability.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water, that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.  Jer 17:7-8

I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jer 29:11

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.  Prov. 3:5-6

We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.  What can mortal man do to me?  Psalm 56:3-4

The Gap...and coveting

The Gap - And Coveting...

It seems like several people we know are selling and moving, and they are “upgrading” their homes, or moving to a home much closer to our school.  This makes me a bit covetous, jealous, envious, desirous, and a little greedy.  I sure would like to upgrade out of our house!  I would LOVE to live close enough to school and church that the kids could walk home and attending sporting events or church functions wouldn’t be such a drain on our time and resources!  Plus, it would provide the kids with more HOURS to do homework each day.  When talking with my friends, they say, “oh, there’s lots of homes for sale up here right now” and “so and so’s place is for sale!” 

It is hard to explain why we hesitate to move and extend our mortgage.  Although my closest friends understand.  This would simply be an extremely poor choice to make with an unknown future.  We will be done paying on our current mortgage in 10-12 years.  I am hoping Hubby can work that long or come close to it, although I am doubtful at times that he will be able to work half that long.  

Sure, we have life insurance that can cover the mortgage…but I wonder about the “gap.”  There is a gap that exists between being unable to work due to his illness, and when I  will be able to collect life insurance.  During that gap, there will be limited income, and increased medical expenses.  

It is the gap that always concerns me – mainly because of the mortgage.  I do not want to lose the house.  Without his income – it will not get paid.  Therefore, it would be foolish to add years onto our mortgage…and therefore, I must be content with what I have and not long after what others have.  So I must always consider - IF he gets sick...we would not be able to afford our current home, much less a new one.  Besides it being foolish, it is sinful to desire for more than what I am already blessed with!

Granted, I trust that the Lord will provide for our every need.  I also know we have retirement accounts that we might be able to cash in and disability should be available.  But I also want to be wise with our resources, and moving does not seem a wise decision.  I must fight the urge to feed my jealousy.  I stop looking at houses that are for sale.  I thank God for the home He has provided for us. 

Since Hubby spent a portion of his childhood living in a 12x14 shack cabled down to the mountain to keep it from blowing over – he thinks our little 1100 square foot house is a mansion.  

I am very grateful to my Lord and Savior for providing us with a warm and safe home.  How sinful it is to complain and covet more?  What a shameful, worldly, heathen!  We have been extremely blessed.     

Exodus 20:17

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

Deuteronomy 5:21

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife. You shall not set your desire on your neighbor’s house or land, his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

Philippians 4:11-12

¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Hebrews 13:5

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Trusting HIS Leading…We will follow HIM

Trusting HIS Leading…We will follow HIM

Back in May, Hubby had a couple of rough days at work.  His boss even sent him home one afternoon.  On a whim (led by the Spirit!), Hubby called one of his former employees who now works at the county to see if there were any openings down there.  Timing was impeccable!  They had a position open, and his friend (and former employee) would be the supervisor for this new position.  We prayed and pondered if this was the right thing to do.  It appeared as though God was providing a clear path to this new position, and we had an overwhelming peace and excitement for a potential change.

The new job would provide Hubby with better benefits, health, dental, vision, life, retirement, 3 weeks of vacation, paid holidays and even sick leave!  In 25 years of working, he has never had paid holidays or sick leave.  When he takes Christmas Day off (shop is closed anyway), then it is a day without pay.  If he has the flu and can’t get out of bed, then it is a day without pay.  Whenever the kids and I have a holiday, he goes to work.  We were super excited that we would be able to spend more time together as a family.  Additionally, the crew works 4-10s in the summer, so he would have 3 day weekends all summer long.  I have a flexible enough schedule, that this would mean we could do a lot of camping and family activities together!  Why, we could even take a family vacation?!?!  The 4 work days are long and hard – but the 3 days off make it worth it.

I feel that it is extremely important that we have the family time together now while we still can.  Hubby emphasizes the need for family time as well, but doesn’t say the last half of that sentence.  We truly felt this job was a blessing from God.  The health benefits were also a great draw.  While we trust fully in the Lord to provide for all of our needs, sometimes, He does so with insurance.  It was sad to see that the Hubby was most excited about receiving life insurance.  He didn’t say much about it, but he mentioned the life insurance several times.  

We prayed that God’s will would be done – if he didn’t get the new job – then it wasn’t God’s will, and if he did get the new job, then it would be a huge blessing from the Lord. 

He got the interview….he got the job…we were greatly relieved. 

We trusted the Lord, and followed His leading, and are excited to see just how HIS plan and HIS will for our lives plays out.

He started his new job mid-May.  As awful as it sounds…I was/am hoping he can work for at least 5 years at this job...but he is struggling...things are not going well...and I wonder if the symptoms I see at home are affecting his work...

Here are a few verses that have (and continue to) help us remember to TRUST in HIM and rely fully upon Him.  We do fully trust Him with our future – HIS plans are always good and perfect.  Even when we might not understand the WHY of the whole matter. 

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water, that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.  Jer 17:7-8

I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jer 29:11

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.  Prov. 3:5-6

We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28

When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.  What can mortal man do to me?  Psalm 56:3-4

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in men.  It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.  Psalm 118:8-9

It is God who works in you to will and to act according to HIS good purpose.  Phil 2:13

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.  They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm.  Psalm 20:7-8

O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago.  Isaiah 25:1

Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him.  Psalm 32:10

The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever – do not abandon the works of your hands. Psalm 138:8

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.  Psalm 9:10

The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations.  Psalm 33:11

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.  The Lord, The LORD is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.  Isaiah 12:2

Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done.  The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.  Psalm 40:5

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the LORD is the Rock eternal.  Isaiah 26:4

I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me.  I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come.  I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.  From the east I summon a bird of prey; from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.  What I have said, that will I bring about; what I have planned, that will I do.  Isaiah 46-9-11

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water, that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.  Jer 17:7-8

Worry

Worry….

The bitter enemy of trust.

Yet we are commanded to TRUST AND OBEY.

I continually remind myself to trust in my Savior and my Lord’s plans for our lives.

He is fully in control of the situation.

Every time I worry, I lessen His power and grace to love me, strengthen me, and give me peace.

I DO trust in Him fully and completely – I have no other place to put my trust, but in Him.

It seems as though there is a very fine, very gray line in my world, marking the boundary between “observing” Hubby’s behavior and physical symptoms, and worrying.  I fight worry with everything within me, because I do, truly, 100%, without a shadow of a doubt, trust in God to care for our family – no matter WHAT the future holds. 

Often, as I hold his hand, and feel the muscles of his fingers constantly twitching, I wonder – is he sick?  Or I pray for God’s strength to get me through what the future holds for me.  I do not feel as though I am worrying – I feel like I am just making mental notes on Hubby’s condition…at what point do I cross the line and worry?  When I wonder and consider our financial situation and insurance provisions, and attempt to plan ahead – HOW will we make our house payments, How will we make medical payments, How will we survive on only my income, etc…I KNOW I am needlessly worrying …for HE will ALWAYS provide for all of our needs.  He will.  How do I know??? Well – HE ALREADY DOES!   So I leave it in His hands, and pray for strength and wisdom.  That does not mean that we do not try to plan ahead.  He keeps looking into life insurance policies when he thinks I’m not looking.  I look into disability insurance policies…we plan…but we leave the hard stuff (worrying) to HIM. 

I trust – but do I always obey? 

¹⁶ Rejoice always, ¹⁷ pray without ceasing, ¹⁸ in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.  1 Thess 5:16-18

Pray without ceasing….continually be in prayer…pray constantly, persistently, repeatedly, frequently, relentlessly, constantly:  I feel as though I am constantly whispering prayers to my Lord…prayers mostly for strength.  I have already climbed the mountain of acceptance and HE has GIVEN me, BLESSED me, and GRANTED me HIS peace.  That is a battle that has already been won through Him.   I know this is His plan, and I know His plan is ALWAYS good – even when it involves tough times – especially when it involves tough times.  Will people mistake this trust and peace as a cold, heartless, callous, uncaring apathy towards my husband?  But it is the exact opposite.  I place His future, and His life, and my great love for him into the hands of the Almighty God!!  There is no more secure place than with God the Father and our Lord, Jesus Christ!  HE ALONE strengthens me and fills me with His presence and His peace.  I could not survive this without Him. 

I serve a BIG God…a HUGE God…an indescribably powerful, Almighty God.  He created the entire world with a whisper.  He breathes stars (giant balls of fire!) out of His mouth.  Of what do I need to fear??  Worrying implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives….but nothing is farther from the truth!  He is the best place to bring our worries – and HE takes them away, strengthens us, and upholds us!!

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

I do not know – or care to ever find out – how people can “make it through” the storms of life without a loving, caring, all knowing, Savior – God.  But I DO know – that He is tremendous, and powerful, amazing and awesome, and I could not live without His strength, peace, love, grace, mercy, joy, etc in my life.  Praise the Lord.  Praise Him forever.  Praise Him for His mercies.  His love endures forever!

V  It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.  It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes. ~ Psalm 118:8-9.

V  May are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in Him.  ~ Psalm 32:10.

V  When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.  What can mortal man do to me?  ~ Psalm 56:3-4.

V  Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.  ~ Psalm 9:10.

V  Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.  The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.  ~ Isaiah 12:2

V  Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whomever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.  ~ Proverbs 29:25.

V  Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.  ~ Isaiah 26:4

V  Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water that send out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. ~ Jeremiah 17:7-8

V  Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  ~ Isaiah 40:28-29

V  Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm.  Nothing is too hard for you.  ~ Jeremiah 32:17

V  It is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose. ~ Philippians 2:13

V  The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me, your love, O Lord, endures forever – do not abandon the works of your hands.  ~ Psalm 138:8

V  I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills His purpose for me. ~ Psalm 57:2

V  In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.  ~ Proverbs 16:9

V  We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.  ~ Romans 8:28

Ironically - I wrote this 2 days ago...since that time he has had some trouble at work. 

He may be without a job soon.

As hard as I tried to stop worrying, and pray constantly, and TRUST my Lord...neither one of us slept last night.  I spent most of my awake time praying.  and wondering what to do next. 

I possibly gave myself an ulcer overnight, as I was puking in the shower this morning. 

nice.

BUT - GOD is GOOD ALLLLLL the time, and HIS plan is ALWAYS good and perfect...and I fully trust in Him. 

I just don't know what I need to do next...but we will keep taking it one day at a time.

Praise the Lord.

Praise HIM in the highest heavens.

Praise His holy name! 

Help...

None of us are ever very good about asking for help.  We like to think we are strong enough to do it alone, or we are too proud to ask for help, or we feel guilty and “beholden” to the person offering help.

I have learned, thanks to a wise man from my church, that when we ask for help as well as when we accept help that is offered, we are doing the OTHER person a favor.  I was preparing to have a knee surgery, and was embarrassed and overwhelmed by all of the offers to deliver meals to our house.  I kept wanting to turn people down and say, “its okay, we’ll manage all right…”  Then Mr. W. told me that it was my DUTY to accept the offered help.  What?  Duty?  That’s a pretty strong word!!!  But, he further explained, that by turning down their offer to help, I am taking away their opportunity to serve God.  Perhaps God placed my needs upon their heart, and they want to reach out and serve HIM by serving me.  If I refuse their help, then I am taking away their opportunity to obey the calling that HE placed on their heart!  Wow…that really struck me…and I have lived by that principle ever since.  If someone offers me help – perhaps it is  His answer to one of my prayers, or perhaps it is God’s way of lightening my load, or perhaps it is God’s way of encouraging spiritual growth in the person offering to help me – so I’m learning to always accept their help. 

Additionally, as the old adage says, “it is far better to give than to receive.”  How good do YOU feel when you find the perfect gift for someone, or when you help someone who needs it?  It feels GREAT.  Who am I to take that wonderful feeling away from someone by refusing to allow them to help me?

We have a tendency to pray for God to give us strength and help us through difficult situations….and then we go right ahead and refuse the help that He sends us!

It is very humbling to have to ask for help.  It is not an easy thing to do….unless we are handing our shopping list to God during our prayer time.  For some reason, that seems easy enough for most of us.

He has provided us with brothers and sisters and family in Christ Jesus in order to lift each other up in our times of need.  This provides spiritual growth for the person who must ask for help along with the person who is called to serve by helping. 

I am learning how to ask….I’m still not very good at it…but I am working on it.

Out of great love, I have had friends tell me that they will stand by me through whatever may come, and if we need ANYTHING, to please just let them know….it is my greatest fear that I will need to take them up on their offers…but what a great God we have…He has already answered my prayers for strength and “getting through this somehow” by providing me with such loving sisters in Christ. 

I will just have to kick foolish pride out the door and replace it with humility (a desired characteristic and Christian virtue), and ASK for help when needed.

From the book Life Without Limits by Nick Vujicic:

Helping Hands:  There is one more people skill that is often disdained or overlooked, but one I’m quite familiar with: the willingness and the humility to ask for help when you need it.  Jesus, the son of God, rarely walked alone on this earth.  He was usually in the company of one or more of his disciples.  You should never feel that you have to go it alone.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.  It is a sign of strength.  The Bible says, “Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door shall be opened.

What profound truth.

Thank you, in advance, to my dear friends who have offered assistance to our family….I know God has placed you in our lives for many, MANY wonderful reasons.  I love you.  I love you dearly and thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving me back.  Praise the Lord for His goodness in answering prayers that I haven’t yet spoken.

I pray I won’t be too proud to ask for help.

He knows my heart (and yours)…unspoken prayers lifted up by the Holy Spirit…and answered by Almighty God, our Father.

Praise God!!

And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases Him. And since we know He hears us when we make our requests, we also know that He will give us what we ask for.

 1 John 5:14-15 NLT

CASTING ALL OUR CARES UPON THE LORD…

The Hubby just applied for a job with the county.  It’s not that he hates his current job.  In fact, at the time he was hired, his current job was a real blessing and divine intervention after the company he worked for (for the previous 17 years) shut its doors.  It’s been a really great job for him and allows him to do a little bit of everything.  However, he’s been keeping his eye on county jobs for a several years.  Now that they have a new shop and he knows quite a few guys on the crew down there, he no longer has a reason not to apply when a job comes open.  Funny how God works.  Hubby called his friend (and former employee) to see if there is a job down there, and “it just so happens” (God’s blessings) that they just opened up a position.  He applied right away.  

The county job will be a little less salary, however, we would have more time with Hubby.  He would have THREE weeks of vacation each year, as well as holidays and sick leave for the first time in his life.  He has been working for 25 years, and never had sick leave or paid holidays.  The kids and I often get holidays off from school and work, while he has to head off to the shop.  There is also a retirement system.  If he is healthy and does not get sick…he’s young enough to work another 20 years and collect retirement.  But best of all, I think the sooner we can get him on better and more reliable health insurance the better. While I will be very grateful for him to have more time to spend with us, I am most excited about the health insurance. Plus, with a county job, it would most likely be easier to get him onto disability when and if he becomes unable to work. 

I am a little scared of how well he will do at this job.  He has been having a few issues at his current job.  It makes me wonder - is his health failing at work?  Will he be able to do the new job?  But it seems like divine intervention and God's plan for him to change jobs.

I’ve made it no secret that I am concerned about him. He does not see a need to get tested for Huntington’s at this time.  We feel that testing is unnecessary because we will accept the Lord's will for our lives no matter what His plan is.  For now, we simply try to live each day that we do have to its fullest.  We wonder – whether the tests come out positive or negative - what good would come from knowing?  While there would be a slight advantage in knowing…we can see many negatives from knowing (positive or negative test results) as well.  So we lean on what we do know. 

We KNOW and truly believe that God has a good and perfect plan for our lives.  This does not mean that we expect our lives to be easy and smooth sailing – on the contrary – we expect the Lord to give us trials and rough patches in order to perfect our faith and trust in him or to build new character, and develop our spiritual growth.  James 1:2-4 tells us to: Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. – so we know that when we face trials – that God is there WITH US through them.  And we need not worry about them, for he continues with verse 5:    ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  ALL we need to do is ASK.

I feel the Lord speaking the verse from Job to me right now...Job 2:10: "But Job replied, "You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?" So in all this, Job said nothing wrong."   Hubby and I know the answer – of course not – we must always accept the bad and the good together!  And so we work every day to accept God’s will.  It is not always easy. We don't want Hubby to be sick. We do feel scared and sad and anxious.  But we also know with the greatest of confidence, that if he is sick - that God is using it for our own good.  God fills us with His peace and love and strength.  I'm not sure Hubby notices the things that I notice...but we have both verbalized our great desire not only to accept God's plan - no matter what it brings, but to also seek His will in everything.  Maybe he isn't sick - maybe we're just getting old...but...I see things that concern me. However, I am learning to "cast all my cares upon the Lord."

Psalm 55:22 tells us to: Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall. and 1 Peter 5:7 says: cast your cares on the Lord because He cares for you.

What really strikes me about these verses, is that they both emphasize that we should CAST our cares…CAST.  The Greek word for cast, means to throw it away.  This is NOT to be confused with the kind of casting we do as a fisherman.  When we go fishing, and we cast our flies or lures way out into the body of water, we continue to hang on to them with our line.  It might be a small, thin, nearly invisible line, but we are still holding on.  In these scriptures, however, to cast, means to throw it away…as in…forever…which tells me that we MUST LET GO.  If we continue to hang onto the line – we haven’t fully cast our cares unto the Lord.  We need to throw away our heart aches, our broken dreams, our cares, our concerns, our pain, our doubt, our disappointment by tossing it at the foot of the throne of Jesus.  We do not need to hold the line.  We don’t need to carry the burden around any longer – dragging us down like a suitcase – everywhere we go.  But we can CAST that burden upon the Lord and be rid of it FOREVER.  Is your burden too heavy?  Then simply ask the Lord to take it from you.  He will take your load. 

I cling to the many promises that God Himself will share my burdens.  Come unto me all who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  Matthew 11: 28 - 29 

Isaiah 40: 29-31 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths that grow tired and weary, and even young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint. 

I am also trying not to worry, since Philippians 4:6 tells me:  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  God is telling me that I should not worry about anything, and I should pray about everything!

It's a daily struggle. The anxiety, doubt, worry, and normal demand of life that are daily placed on us can be overwhelming. I have physically felt this burden upon me, weighing me down at times.  But, knowing that we serve a risen Savior and that He truly cares for us is important and comforting.  He TRULY loves us!  Look at all HE has done to demonstrate that great love!  It is hard to understand that God really does CARE for us (for you too!).  He can handle our stresses, worries, anxieties, and pain when we can’t.

That is my daily prayer for our families – Hubby’s sister and her family, and our family as well.  That the Lord comes and stands beside us, and lifts us up, and gives us His strength and peace - and that we can feel His presence upholding us, and feel the power and strength that He can give us.

And, I know He will, for He has made this promise to His children in Isaiah 41:10:

  So do not fear, for I am with you;    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you;    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

These are the promises I rely on.  I praise and thank my God for lifting my burdens, for strengthening us, for helping us, and for upholding us.

We can CAST ALL of our cares upon Him and He will SUSTAIN us, because of His great LOVE for us, and He will not allow His children to fall.