I will sing of the Lord’s great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. Psalm 89:1
Every
good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly
lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the
man who trusts in Him! Psalm 34:8
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I want to sing the praises of His goodness!
Throughout this journey with Huntington’s,
Rob and I always said we wanted to somehow glorify God from our trials, while
not really knowing how we would do that. But it is easy to do, for God is SO so
very good. SO GOOD! When I say we are blessed beyond measure, I am not just
quoting some commonly used phrase – it is truly how I feel. God’s presence is
closest when we need Him the most.
Recently, one of my friends was
telling another how God has ALWAYS provided for my family in miraculous ways. It
is true. I should have been writing them all down and keeping track, but
whenever there is a need, God has provided. Often times, He provides before I
even know I will need it. His faithfulness never wavers. Put on the spot, I
felt like I was looking for specific raindrops of His goodness in a mighty sea
of His provision. How can I remember each drop of water when there are millions
of gallons of it mixed together? I have started seeing and reflecting on the
sea of His blessings instead of each drop. He has been teaching me (I’m a slow
learner) not to fret or worry about the future and my (our) needs. Back to that
analogy I used a few months ago – I’m on a roller coaster, but I’m learning not
to puke on the corners and drops anymore.
God’s driving the roller coaster. I know some day I’ll pull back into
the station and get off the ride. Until then, I just need to hang on and trust
Him as He drives the ”train” (no matter how scary it may be at times).
Since that conversation a few days
ago, I tried to reflect on the many miraculous blessings. The things I have
pondered in my heart these years.
Remember my story about the 13 cents?
How, in 2018, when Rob’s health was in an out of control downward spiral, and
we were going to the Doctors 4 or 5 days a week, and going through medication
after medication, and cortisone shots and physical therapy and chiropractors,
and he had my poor mom on speed dial to come “buff his back out” with the
massager multiple times a day, and my phone was ringing off the hook while I
was at work because he was so frustrated and in so much pain, and so depressed
and even suicidal, and NOTHING was working to help with all of his wild and
crazy symptoms, I was running out of money to pay for all of his medical care.
Trying to balance the house payment and his medical expenses was becoming very
stressful. Then God put a thought in my head to check to see how much we could
get if we closed Rob’s retirement account early, and how much the payoff
balance of our house would be. It was a few months of finagling paperwork
between the two institutions…but when it was all said and done…the difference
was 13 cents. I had to come up with 13 cents to pay our house off. You can’t tell me God doesn’t have a sense of
humor – nay – He created humor.
Or who remembers last December, when Rob’s
declines “bumped up” his care level from Level 1 care to Level 3 (out of 4).
Each level is another $800/month, so staring in January, I would need to come
up with another $1600/month. I had been figuring out how to squeeze another
$500 out of my budget each month, I could maybe do $600, but how was I going to
do the other $1000/month? Meanwhile, God woke up a wonderful lady on Churchill
with the idea that she needed to help me. She called me, and I drove out that
evening, and she offered me $1000/month out of her investment/retirement
account. This is money she could very well use! She could upgrade her vehicle!
She could go on a vacation! She could take care of some things around her
house! And she was apologizing to me, that it “wasn’t enough” to cover the
$1600/month. She didn’t know (until I told her), that the $100/month was
EXACTLY the amount I needed. So, when they raised his rates again on June 1, I
didn’t even blink an eye. God is filling our cup to overflowing.
Whenever there is a need – whether it was
a hotel room at a cross country/basketball/golf tournament, or tires for my
car, or school lunches, or sweatshirts/sports gear or passes to the games, or something
for my house, or NEW FLOORING for goodness sake, or an extra $50 for groceries,
or, or, OR whatever – God has always provided for us through so very many of
you.
Shortly after Rob was diagnosed, a
wonderful WONDERFUL person from our church slipped a check in a heart shaped
candy box for Valentine’s Day. He thought he was hilarious to fold it, so it
looked like a dollar amount, but when I opened it, it said “thousand” behind
it. I called him in shock, “what did you do?!?! We can’t take this!” He laughed
his sweet laugh and said, “it’s to take your family on a vacation somewhere Rob
has always wanted to go….so…where are you going?” You’ve all heard this story before.
Everything fell into place, and we were able to go to Alaska, where we always
said we go “someday, for an Anniversary.” And how it didn’t dawn on me until we
boarded the plane, that we were headed to Alaska on our 20th Anniversary.
So many friends and family helped make that the most amazing trip – we crammed
a summer’s worth of Alaska into 15 days. We tried to get it all in, even though
that meant I was often driving the motorhome from one town/campground to the
next in the middle of the night while everyone slept. I’ve told that story
before – most of you know it – so I don’t need to share a ton of details now. But…that
was 2017. The next summer was the worst for Rob’s health. If we had not gone
that summer, we never could have done it.
A few months after we came home one of
the deacons called me. There was a very generous sum of money put into a fund
for us. I tried not to touch it. I wanted to save it for when we needed it most.
So it has been in the care of the deacons since 2017. I want to stretch that
money from church out as long as possible, and I’m so grateful I didn’t have to
really start using it until we moved Rob into his facility.
Folks often ask how I pay for Rob’s
care. Let me be clear. I don’t pay it – God does.
One time I walked in, got his bill,
and it showed a large donation someone anonymously applied to his account. It
was enough to cover several months of his care!
Did I mention (a million times) how God
provides long before we know we need it. 😊
When I started working at MSU as a silly,
naïve, goofy, newlywed 25-year-old, they first offered Long Term Care Insurance
with open enrollment. I almost didn’t sign us up. I thought, well, even if Rob
gets Huntington’s someday, I’ll just take care of him at home! Little did I
know. I decided to sign him up and saw a list of automatic disqualifiers on the
application. It listed Alzheimer’s, ALS, Parkinson’s, etc. It did not list Huntington’s.
Instead of just filling it out, I called the company. I told the lady, “I don’t
see Huntington’s on the list” She said, “it should be!!!” “Oh…okay” Then she
asked, “But has he been diagnosed with it?” I said, “no, but his mom had it and…”
she interrupted me. “SIGN HIM UP RIGHT NOW!” I said, “but…do…” “DO IT RIGHT NOW!
If he has not been diagnosed, turn in the application now!” well…okay then!
This was the woman representing the insurance company! Who does that? God
orchestrated that one! We could sign up for 3 levels of care – thank the good
Lord, I listened and turned in an application, although I signed up for the
middle level of benefit instead of the highest level. BUT – God provides! I pay
$14/month for Rob’s LTC Insurance. 14 DOLLARS!! Yet they pay out $3000/month towards
his care. It does also have a maximum spend down amount…so I have just over 3 ½
years of that benefit left each month. But I’m not even going to panic about
that. There are times I start to – but, why? When God has always provided!?
Surely, I can trust Him and His faithfulness. Especially with each miraculous
provision.
Then, we also have Rob on disability. Oh
yes – remember God’s goodness there? Rob was let go on January…8…2016, if I
remember correctly. He was diagnosed on January 13, 2016. Because he was let
go, he was able to collect unemployment benefits. Sure, they don’t pay as much
as his salary was, but it was enough to cover the bills. Meanwhile, I was
filing for disability. Most people are automatically denied the first time they
apply for disability. Some folks must fight for years to collect. We watched family
have to fight all the way to a court hearing to collect. Rob’s doctors supplied
letters stating when they believed his disability began. Friends and former co-workers
wrote letters comparing “old Rob” to “new Rob” and his inability to work.
(Thanks again, Ed) We over-supplied them with information. The school
superintendent contacted politicians to join the fight. (Thanks Patrick) Rob’s
application was approved the first time. And it was dated back to his last day
of work. We never missed a bill during those months he was out of a job. Not
one. So – Rob has a disability check that comes in each month, which I use (minus
a couple of household bills) towards his care.
Where does the rest come from? God.
That church fund does not run dry. The
original donation has been added to routinely. I can’t count the number of
times something has come up and I have needed extra funds to cover an
unexpected expense, and when I email the deacons, they say, “oh, someone just
turned in a check this month for that exact amount.” What? How do you all know?
Because God knows.
Each time I start to worry about ”how
many more months do I have left?” another donation comes in. This year, I keep
looking at the amount. I have it figured…this will last me through September.
This will last me through October. Then what? (Then I plan to attempt to claim
a terminal illness benefit on one of his life insurance policies).
Each month I look for any extra I can
squeeze out of my budget, and I write a check for anything I can add. Then I
send the remainder of the bill to the deacons and ask for help from “my” fund.
The fund that doesn’t run dry. Like the widow’s jars of oil (2 Kings 4:1-7), God’s
blessings do not cease. The amount I ask for each month varies slightly since I
can pay more some months than others.
This week, I sent the August bill to
the deacons, double checked what would remain in the fund, and how long that
might last. The response from the deacons was this: “On Monday we did
our monthly count, and there were two checks that were designated for Rob’s
care and amazingly they totaled $X,XXX exactly. God knows exactly what you
needed this month!! Continue to keep us on the loop and we will continue to walk
through this together month by month!”
You
guys – even if you were writing the most fantastical fiction story, you could
NOT make this stuff up! God’s story is so much bigger and grander than we could
ever hope for…just as the Bible says, “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more
than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all
generations, for ever and ever! Amen!” (Ephesians 3:20-21)
When I say, we are blessed beyond
measure, I mean every word. Despite the hard. Despite the desperate years. Despite
pain, agony, and loss and mourning and fear, anxiety, depression, and sorrow…we
are so very blessed. To God alone be the Glory, forever and ever amen.
#LifeAsAHager #AdventuresOfACrazyWife
#GodIsGood #BlessedBeyondMeasure
Per request – continued sermons from
the ones I posted a couple days ago:
Psalm for a Dark Night Part 1: https://www.davidjeremiah.org/radio/player?id=4254
Psalm for a Dark Night Part 2: https://www.davidjeremiah.org/radio/player?id=4255
Additional verses of God’s
faithfulness:
Romans 8:28
The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering,
and abounding in goodness and truth. Exodus
34:6
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days
of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm
23:6
If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to
your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things
to those who ask Him! Matthew 7:11
I will
meditate on the glorious splendor of Your majesty, and on Your wondrous works.
Men shall speak of the might of Your awesome acts, and I will declare Your
greatness. They shall utter the memory of Your great goodness, and shall sing
of Your righteousness. Psalm
145:5-7
Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. For the Lord is good;
His mercy is everlasting. Psalm
100:4-5
The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows
those who trust in Him. Nahum
1:7
